On the edge of a cliff

"I think too much"

Hai Assalamualaikum,


It's time to get something back in perspective. There will be times when you're on the verge of breaking down from over-analysing situations, juggling things and suppressing feelings. There will be time to vent out some of the anger *in a good way I mean* just to gain back the perspective you lost during this stress moment.


Some take a walk to clear his/her head. Some involve in rigorous activities where you'll be able to release some bottled-up pressure. Or probably cry. Or sleep.


Huahhh. It's been a LONG time since I last over-tire myself physically so as to release some bottled-up pressure I'm feeling now. It's not that big of a problem if you could just stop over-analyzing EVERY single thing, Sarah. Thinking 10 steps forward when actually none has been taken. Worry yourself when it's not going to solve the problem itself.


Take it one step at a time perhaps?
Well, it's supposed to be a marathon, not a sprint. You can't afford to fall apart during critical moment like this. One month before you reach the finishing line. Allahu musta'an.

"Oleh itu, maka (tetapkanlah kepercayaanmu) bahawa sesungguhnya tiap-tiap kesukaran disertai kemudahan.

(Sekali lagi ditegaskan): bahawa sesungguhnya tiap-tiap kesukaran disertai kemudahan" - (94:5-6)

Go read the Quran. Perform tahajjud. Dzikr. Allah is always there to listen. Only He can put you at ease.


Can I just scream? When the truth is, you're just tired from all the drama you're in.

Seriously, this is beautiful. Boleh rasa nak nangis 

weekend morning blues

Hai assalamualaikum,

morning is always the best part of the day kan? good for a long walk alone.
morning walk and writing help put myself in perspective.

One of the days where I feel like being such a lazy bum. Big time. A whole pile of laundry that needs to be folded, my turn to cook, spring cleaning my room, sorting out notes which are everywhere around the house and do some studying. and here i am, sitting like i don't have anything better to do.

which is not good. as i hate spending my weekend like this. *inhale. exhale* 

"dah baca ma'thurat belum pagi ni?" - tiqah.

hee~ belum lagi. that's probably it.

burung yg kecil time nabi Ibrahim kene bakar pun, lagi hebat semangat dia. sebab berusaha jugak nak padamkan api time nabi Ibrahim kene bakar walaupun his action won't even help to put out the fire. You're a big girl, ada akal, bigger than the bird, semangat pun patut lebih lagi la. So, the lesson learned? what's important is not the outcome but the action itself.

Ingat, Allah pandang usaha, bukan hasil.

And now i shall go and not sleep. teehee.

here's your fav. now chop2! go do your work. :D

Of raindrops and golden leaves

Hai assalamualaikum,


It's funny how each season has its own smell. has its own feel to it too. Spring is coming and I love the smell after the rain. The cloudy days, the rain itself. The weather has been pretty mild for the previous couple of days. It's like remembering something you used to love. something that used to make you happy. something familiar that you hardly remembers. That is always the feeling I had at each time the season changes. The smell of winter saying goodbye to give way to blooming flowers.

Spring - April '10, Ottawa

Winter - Feb '11, Ottawa

Hello spring, you've been missed and I miss you dearly. And goodbye winter, hopefully we'll meet again. If not, I'll always remember you. the beauty, and even tarbiyyah that comes from it.

Spring/Summer - May '10, P.E.I

Spring/Summer - May '10, P.E.I

the cold, rainy season that reminds me of London
the hot, dry air that always, always reminds me of my first summer in Ottawa.
the cold, frost-biting winter that reminds me of the 30-mins walk from home to Carleton
and that golden, crisp leaves that remind you of Ottawa as a whole.

Fall - October '10, Ottawa

Will be leaving you soon enough.
Thank you for shaping me up. For showing me all the beauty in life.

Be good. Be kind. Stay pretty. Love always.

Mid-train conversation:

"Macam mana kalau nak nasihat org eyh?

Kene kawan dgn diorg dulu. Then, sikit2 kita tarik dia utk jadi baik"

Hai assalamualaikum,


Being someone's friend is a treasure. Yet, a huge responsible too. A friend can either affect you in both directions; to the better or to the worse. Especially between close friends. You spend hours together and somehow one or the other will be affected by the other's way of doing stuffs, getting things done, life's perspective, etc. I know I was affected by A's positiveness in looking at life's hurdles.


But how did others get affected with me, being their friend? This thought is scary. What if someone was affected on the way I'm not dressed properly? What if someone follow me in not praying on time? What if? What if?


Yes, you have to keep on improving yourself because of you and to please Allah. But this thing need to be put in consideration too as you're living within the society. Within a certain circle of people. Your actions will affect others too. So, keep on improving yourself so as only the good things get affected on other people.

"Kau selalu lepak dgn Sarah, mesti somehow ada benda yg ko terikut dgn dia". A stops and think. 

"Emm. Ada gak la"

I have no idea what A has in mind. But hopefully it's a good one.


ps: I'm sorry if I've been a bad influence on some of you. Probably to some, a huge bad influence. I'm sorry. I made mistakes too. And now I'm trying to make up for all the wrongs I've done.

<3

Jom jadi macam dia

Hai assalamualaikum,

Syaitan takkan kacau org yg ikhlas (source: Atiqah? help? hehh)

Saidina Umar pernah menangis sebab dia rasa Allah tak sayang dia sebab dia tak diuji.
Such polar responses coming from us who wishes not to be tested by Him.

Dan pada masa orang-orang yg beriman melihat tentera Al-Ahzaab, berkatalah mereka "Inilah yang telah dijanjikan Allah dan RasulNya kepada kami dan benarlah (apa yang telah dijanjikan) Allah dan Rasulnya" (33:22)

Hebat kan? In times of hardship, they can still say that. Not in time of ease did they say that but time tengah diuji. Time perang Khandaq. Perang time syawal. Perang yg kene gali parit 10 hasta dalam around Madinah. Tak susah? Tak susah kalau dulu ada bulldozer. Tapi dulu takde.


Kalau kte? Time senang baru nk kata "ni janji Allah" time susah?


Susah betul nak dapatkan sebaik2 sabar. Macam mana yg nabi sabar. Selalu je terlupa. Cepat melatah. Lepas tu baru nak sabar. T.T Lepas tu, siapa kata nak berubah tu senang? Siapa cakap nak jadi baik tu senang? Nak masuk syurga tak murah. Bukan senang2. Selalu je kene mcm bayar cash. Niat nak baca ma'thurat time subuh, esoknye terbangun lambat, subuh gajah, kelas 8.30. Baca ma'thurat tak? huu

"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan; `Kami telah beriman', sedangkan mereka tida diuji? Dan sesungguhnya kami telah menguji orang-orang yang sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui yang manakah orang yang benar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui siapakah orang yang dusta." (29:2-3)

ps: syaitan sendiri takut dengan Saidina Umar. Did not pass the road where Saidina Umar is walking. Hebat kan? Sahabat nabi yang boleh kata banyak jahiliyyah dia dah buat *minum arak, sembah berhala, tanam anak perempuan sendiri* and yet, bila dah masuk Islam, hebat sungguh.

the one stress i can't handle...

...is when i don't have even the slightest motivation to act on something. not even a simple "come on, just try je"
and that scares me. big time.


Hai assalamualaikum,


dad's not picking up the phone, nor did he reply to my text message. i really need to hear comfort words from him right now *even though i know i won't do half of what he said to me*


huarghhhh


i. just. can't. do. it.
i'm stress about this whole presentation since the day the prof gave us the journal to present on. i'm not worried about the presentation itself as i know it'll be over in 20 minutes. i'm more scared in the Q&A session afterwards. they asked killer questions which previous presenters manage to answer, which do nothing to calm me down about this presentation. i know we'll be butchered during Q&A. 


Worst-case scenario: we'll be slaughtered clean by the questions. plus our journal talks a whole lot about genetics. something i'm not fond of. something i'm not good at. *why did i always ended up taking subjects/doing presentations/writing up term paper/signing up lab that are genetic-related* grrr.


Even the worst-case scenario does not motivate me to read the journal. i just want to sleep. and wake up probably on friday then? T.T


Allahu Musta'an


(now this is what i call complaining. is chanelling out inner negativity)

day by day; one step at a time.

Hai assalamualaikum,

Feb 9th - workshop presentation for Mutagenesis & DNA repair subject

Feb 13th - Midterm for Industrial Biochem

               - Submit topic for industrial biochem presentation

Feb 18th - Last day to submit intro and methods & materials part for thesis to prof

Feb 27th - Presentation for industrial biochem should be ready by now. will draw lots to know own's turn.

               - submit 2nd draft for another term paper

Feb 28th onwards - presentation practice with prof for poster presentation

March onwards - thesis should be on going, term paper should be more than halfway done, research should be fairly done by now and it's time to start worrying about the poster presentation and a final coming up on april.

Can't wait to get it over with. Next stop, thinking up on what to do after graduation. Might thinking of joining Kak Nana.

Allahu Musta'an