Bucket full of thoughts and love

I can’t seem to find things on what to write.

Or basically the mood to write.

Which is bad and i think has reached an alarming rate cuz I can’t seem to find things you can relate to or be as attentive as i was before

Writing keeps me in-check with my thoughts.

Putting things in perspective, taking out abstract ideas into solid talks and actions.

..

..

..

And still, nada.

Well, I guess I need to take it slow. Putting jumble thoughts together.

-          I love the feeling you had whenever you went to a how should i put it sister/ukhuwah/Islamic kind of gathering. Everybody’s all smile and greeting each other. Ukhuwahh itu manis. I guess, i kind of can feel it a bit?

-          My thoughts are constantly filled with the unknown, the future you plan, whether you’ll end up this way or the other, will you be happy doing what you do, etc.

I guess it’s time where you feel the need to stop playing around. You cannot just plunge head first and experimenting just as much. And constantly I’ve been thinking on what will I be doing with my master degree once I got it (I plan on continuing my MSc in Sept inshaAllah) And will that degree can actually help me be a better individual. A better muslim.

I might not see it but I find it hard to imagine what would a master in science can help you be a better muslim as in helping the society around you.

Ouh, now I’ve found something to write.

I’ve always been amazed and forever will be in meeting this one auntie who dedicated herself in voluntary work. Running a shelter for women, reverts, and at the same time helping others in need. Being a revert herself, I find she’s such an amazing lady to has that much dedication to what she’s doing.

So knowing her and able to work with her for a few times makes me think that there are more to life than getting a PhD or being a prof or something. True we need more professional muslims. But seeing her life so... simple fascinates me.

Won’t it be simpler and happier doing works that directly will benefit others in need. A regular in voluntary work or I think it is fun if you can open up a business (read: cafe. I love cute cafes) *well this thought did occur because of my selfish reason of not wanting to work from 8-5 everyday for God knows how long.*

You can work. But you have time for your kids. You have time for yourself. An hour or two (or more :P) going out to the malls during the weekdays enjoying an hour or two in a cafe with a book in hand before you get back to the reality of your working/marriage life.

Well, you have to start from the bottom before climbing up to the top. Allah already has a plan for you. How it’s going to turn out. Be it the way you want it, or you’ll get stuck working from 8-5 on a daily basis, Allah knows while you don’t.

It’s not that you can plan ahead of your life. It scares me when i try to put ideas on how it’ll be 5 years from now. What will I be doing with my life. Even planning my life for the next year has its uncertainties. That’s human. We have our flaws. Of not knowing. Of thinking our plan is always the best.

So just take one step at a time. You can plan how you want your life turns out to be. But keep in mind that Allah knows best. He knows what’s best for each and everyone of us. And when the time comes, just accept it with hikmah and say Alhamdulillah, you’ve reached the part of your life where you imagine it was years ago.

*sigh* it feels good once you start to write* haha.

My wishlist. soon baby, soon :)