it's probably due to the headache

The small things are those that make me happy.

The small things that I'll remember.

The small things that are felt by the heart.

As you're one step closer upon finishing another phase of your life, more things are being put into perspective. True, it's a bumpy road here and there to get to where I am now, but those bumps are what makes me, me. Those bumps made me into a different Sarah that took a plane to Ottawa 3 1/4 years ago.

The plan I have before coming here might have to be adjusted here and there. But overall, life can never be better. Alhamdulillah. I'm still coping with some issues. Patience and optimism. When life's good it's not that I get all the good things in my way but rather bad things do come and take it as something that need to be improved on.

There's nothing specific I want to write on right now. It's just I'm feeling a little bit blissful. A bittersweet feeling you have. It's probably because holiday air.

No, no. It probably because of the exams. The last exam I had (this afternoon) was a subject by one of my favorite prof. I kind of want to be done with exams (mind you, I've been studying for that subject for a LONG time) but it's kind of sad knowing he won't be teaching you anymore. It's just like you want to graduate and get it over with but you'll miss the O-town and all its precious.

I just can't resist saying thank you to the prof at the end of the exam. I really like his class *me sleeping in class did not do any justice on how much I like his class. that's just purely me, not the prof''s fault*

A talk in the rain with someone I haven't talk to for a long time is enough to lift up my mood

Just cuddling up under your duvet with a steaming mug of hot chocolate and movie is my favorite activity for the weekend or at night mostly

Listing it off, it seems a little bit plain. but that's me. anything but fancy and glittery

Had a good dream few days back. Future husband is the sweetest. Tapi tak nampak muka.

I love to live in a double-storey house, with two girls and a boy, plus a little cat (the one with short stubby leg). And during weekend, we'll do some fun activities. And we'll have a lot of photo albums and scrapbooks to keep all the memories.

This is just a crappy post. I just want to write about all this with each point is making no sense than the other. And nothing related.

This is not some wishful thinking I had but my future's in it. Could You please make it happen? pretty please?

Happy Birthday Love

My two not-so-little brats

I remember how much you hate to read. If mom asked you to study or sleep, you really went to sleep even if it's at 8pm. So, how you get 94 for your sirah subject really amazed me. Until mom blurted the whole story. "Kan Nina dah habis pmr, jadi cikgu Luqman la tu. mana tak cemerlang". LOL.

Happy Birthday Luqman.

Misses the whole clan a bunch.

*playing Back to December by Taylor Swift while missing your family in a not-so-good-yourself kinda situation doesn't help at all (I have a midterm and a presentation tomorrow and I don't feel well at all.) And the fact that I MIGHT have to postpone my movie date with Harry Potter doesn't boost up my mood either.*

up. up. and down. repeat.

this post needs to be edited a tiny-wee bit.

I think I found my unicorn which had been lost for quite a while.i

But the thing is.m

I'm not sure whether it's mine or someone else's.y

And there's no way I can tell.

Speaking of unicorn, Spain wins the title of the World Cup 2010 Champion for the first time ever.

I'm happy. Enough said.

Random #6

I miss New York.. The kinda feeling you had when you're in a certain city. And I dearly miss NYC.

Wearing headscarf with those tight cap sleeve t-shirt is hideous okay. I mean, those t-shirts with these veeery short sleeve. You might as well wear a tank top with a headscarf. Honey, it's not pretty and it doesn't even cover your aurat.

No, I'm not a good girl myself. But I am trying to be one. Tak kutuk. Just a sore in the eye.

And yes, I update myself with the Gaza news. And no, I don't share my views regarding the issue here.

Hypothesis accepted. I write more when I have exams. And I tend to sleep more too.

The need. No idea.

May 27th - May 30th

Midwest Games International 2010

Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana

Great time there.. Great pre-midwest games training too. With awesome coaches. Yes. Coaches. 1 coach tetap and others that help here and there during those trainings.

Well, that's how I spent my evening previously. Rigorous soccer practice for the midwest games. Our team did not managed to go to the next round but it is such a great achievement nonetheless because all of us are first-timers in the soccer field. :)

I kinda miss those practices now. :'( You guys are the awesome-est.

So... No soccer practices but more nerdy routine now. Wake up, study a lil bit, go to class, went back home, study some more, online, watch prison break, tido. Yes, i know.. I'm waaaay back than everybody's else. The series has been aired ages ago.. I'm weird that way.

And, I've been writing a list on things I would do before the next fall semester starts. Here are a gist of it.

4. Try to finish at least 1 classic novel

7. Walk or roller blading to school (tapi skrg injured. Terpaksalah beli bus pass)

8. Go to those pavement cafe in downtown. It's nice there. Like Paris. (Sorry exaggerate. But it is nice)

9. Travel before going back to Malaysia. Which has been completed. Remember Fredericton, Halifax and Prince Edward Island? ;)

11. Learn a dance routine for 1 complete song. Nearly impossible task due to extreme lazy-ness and bad hand-feet coordination.

15. I want to play with those bubbles. $5 je kat drugmart. Somebody. Please. (sangat kebudak-budakan)

And some others yg pelik utk ditulis di sini. Sorry for those random stuffs that I rumbled about. Jumping from one to another different one. :P

Last night tengok balik gambar when I was in Taylor's College doing ICPU. Waaah.. Sangat rindu those times.. The phase that taught me a lot. Definitely one of the best..

Blerghh.. Sorry.. This is lame..

Bau bread pudding sgt sedap.

I hate being helpless. Coz it leads to me, feeling useless. Which THEN leads to me, feeling like a loser with a big fat L stamped on my forehead.

How I wish life is simpler. No. scratch that. How I wish, I CAN actually wish. When "Beware of what you wish for" actually does makes sense.

Understand moi? No? I know you don't. It's not what you think it is. Mommy's little girl is not so little anymore. :')

p/s: it doesn't sound too emotional does it? because it is not.

Knots Untied.

"Douka kamisama boku ni yuuki wo kudasai"

Reality check: it's still intact. ^^

Peggy's Cove, Halifax. Bukan google image. Sekian.

p/s: Will dedicate a post about my recent vacay soon. :D

Already parted for you

Alhamdulillah.

Exams are over.

2nd year, bye2!

*hopefully xde yg fail lah kan. kire carry marks skrg, insyaAllah selamat* haha.

All exams were okay i guess. Well, not really okay as in I'll ace everything. I've read about them before. It's just a matter whether you remember it or not. Tapi time dalam exam lah ape yg belajar tu keluar cam dakwat pen nak abes kan. Hopefully it's not going to be so bad. Dapat semua a- pun bagus jugak *gelak sorg2*. Nahhhh, I've tried my very best this semester, all i can do now is tawakkal je.

I siap tido dekat library lg you know~

All the best to those who's still struggling with finals. :)

p/s: first sign of madness is when you talk the two-people talk alone.

Leave if that's what you want

Fine!

Lepas sorg, sorg, sorg sorg.

Like I have a plague or something.

And all of them used to be close.

Sorry for not being a good friend after all.

If I have the Rhomboideus supeficialis to lift the wings up and fly far away from here.

And use the pectoralis major only when I feel like going down again.

and it's at time when i need you the most

*post emo sambil ketawa.*

I'm a little teapot short and stout.

Maybe I should be a teapot. Or an electric kettle. Or least, the jug.

Senang sikit.

Hahaha. Giler.

Jadi teapot xde kaki.

As I'm a human, blessed with both two feet,

Put your best foot forward Sarah.

One step at a time *ala2 lagu Jordin Sparks tu*

Study. Study. Study.

You can't even score the midterm that you think IS easy.

Sila jangan berlagak pandai.

;)

gambar tiada kaitan

Happy Birthday

Phewww! This month has been busy. The calendar has been filling itself with assignments and exams. Well~ The usual stuffs *shrugs*

But.. but..

Nampak x reading week tu? I went skiing! Which was awesome. It gave you such an adrenaline rush going down the slope. The sore afterwards ain’t fun though. Saket satu badan coz I’ve been tumbling down in order to stop rather than hitting people full speed. :P tp best~ definitely going for a next one if there is one.

Xtau nak tulis ape. But yeah~ I stumble across Iman’s note on what she wants. Seronok je baca. Tiba2 rasa nak tulis juge. *I guess you should stop reading now. Bye*

I want someone who loves me. I want to be able to love that someone. I want someone who thinks I’m pretty even when I know I’m not. I want someone to share stories with. I want someone for me to whine to. I want someone who will always call me before he sleeps. I want someone who I can call when I’m having nightmares. I want someone to hug me whenever I’m feeling crappy. I want someone who’ll hug me just because he wants to. I want someone to kiss me goodnight. I want someone who I can turn to every time I’m in trouble. I want someone who’ll be my shoulder to cry on. I want to be the shoulder for him to lean on. I want someone who’s able to talk senses in me. I want someone who’ll hug me when I cry. I want someone who’ll manage to keep my feet firmly on the ground. I want someone who knows me inside out. I want to understand someone and able to not do things he’ll disapprove of. I want someone who think I’m the best thing ever happened in his life. I want someone who cares to share his problems with me. I want to be able to hug him able to make him feel better even for a bit. I want someone so I’ll be able to say “you can do it” when he’s not confident with himself. I want someone who thinks he has the world when he’s with me. I want someone who’ll say “I love you” repeatedly to me. I want someone to get in fight with and be able to make it up afterwards. I want someone who’ll accompany me wherever I might want to go. I want someone who’s able to stand hearing me singing off-key Taylor Swift’s songs and still be able to say my singing ain’t sucks. I want someone to go to the movies with. I want someone who’ll share his passion on something with me. I want to be able to love his passion on something. I want someone who’ll give me advice whenever I’m in trouble. I want someone who’ll take care of me. I want to be able to take care of someone. I want someone who’ll be worried if I didn't take my medicine. I want to be able to stand next to someone whenever the entire world turns their back on him. I want someone who I don’t have to walkaway from. I want someone who won’t walkaway from me. I want someone that I can hold his hand and say “I love you” repeatedly. I want someone that I able to be friend with, to be his lover, to console him, to be everything for him. Most importantly, I want someone who’ll be able to see me through the mistakes I’ve done and can still think I’m worthy of him. And I want someone who’ll be able to guide me to the right path. And that is why I want you. Someone that I want to do much more for.

Mane husband I nih~ *sorry.. that is lame*

“Kte nak masuk syurga Allah dgn dia” – definisi cinta Hilal Ashraf.

This is nice~ ehmm.. writing about things that are far fetched. Far fetched is nice. Like fairytales and nightmares.

Ouh.. I only sleep for 2 hours yesterday. That figures why my brain has started to go haywire today. Kaput.

Happy Birthday Mak! I love you. And you too Nina. :)

edited in 2012.

getting a sweet and romantic husband is probably the least of my worries. I want one who puts his religion first above all. One who respects his parents. One who is responsible. Who takes care of his little brothers and sisters (if he has one). One who prays(i find this point most important of all. I'm no ustazah but I at least want someone who take care of his solat). One who sometimes go to surau for jemaah. One who sometimes go listen to ceramah. Raya korban just pass, and I respect one who helps during that time :D one who is matured and can take care of me. And one who is not short-tempered. After these, than can I care about other things mentioned above. Sarah is an adult now. hehe.. rasa mcm dah matang. Well in conclusion, I look more on how he is in taking care of his religion more than small things whether he calls me from the office and whatnot.

Skrg impian saya nak bina baitul muslim *peace gesture* :D

individu muslim + individu muslim = baitul muslim.

Chaiyok Sarah! Ayuh berusaha! 

I Love You

I skip my midterm today. Seeing that I don't think I be able to write it properly. Thankfully the prof will only choose 1 midterm out of 2. My 1st midterm was okay juge, so xpelah kut nak burn yg ni. *ye2. kene study lebih utk final nnt*

That's not what I want to write about actually. I just feel blessed having such nice, caring awesome people with me here.

Thanks to Atiqah who did help me buy ginger ale when I feel like throwing up.

Thanks to Shida who did cook for me when I DID throw up.

Thanks to Jenie for the panadol

Thanks to Farah who did help cook for me *lauk org demam. special~* even when she has a midterm tomorrow. I do hope you'll do well dear.

And others who I feel very much appreciated to even if i didn't mention your names here.

Do slap me on the face whenever I forget what a good friend you guys are okay? ;P

who says I need you? *maybe I am*

Hong Kong Disneyland - 2007

Random #5

I just realize what a boring blog i have. Pfftt..

Blast it. I'm going to watch avatar now.

It's a complete circle now, Sarah.

Full pergantungan pada Allah. Cakap senang. Nak buat, susah. I admit. It's hard for me. Why? Because my "either or" decision has some biased towards the "either" rather than the "or". So to accept there might be chances the "or" would happen is hard. Extremely hard. Impossibly done when I think about it sometimes.

Let's put it this way.

You want to buy a candy *an apple chocolate I might add*. You know it's not good for you, but you seem to like it so much. It's easier to just buy the chocolate and eat it rather than not buying the apple kan~

Why?

Coz your decision on buying the candy is parallel to what you want, whereas not buying it is a total opposite on what you really want eventhough it might be good for you. Geddit? *abaikan this post kalau xpaham*

********************************************

Hey you!

Bukan melawan kuasa Allah. Bukan juga rase diri ni pandai sgt. Bukan juga sbb xbersyukur. It is just so damn hard. Saya tak kuat. Lemah even. Benda kecik je pun dah jatuh. Come on lah. Get up! *I want to but I don't think I can*

"Anak ayah kuat kan~"

Mane budak tu? Hilang ke? COME ON!!!! GET UP!!! DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP SITI SARAH AZMAN!!

EXTREMELY pissed-off dgn diri sendiri..

"people don't like reading emo posts la sarah. takpe. i was hoping no one will read this"

cloudy days.

Finally, boleh tulis blog dgn tenangnye.. :D

I did realize some of my previous posts are more on cloudy days than the usual all bright and shiny part of mine. But hey, it's my blog. If you don't like it, don't read it. Don’t say bad things on what others *ie: me* write no matter how annoying you might think it is. No one force you into that. The ‘X’ sign at the top right of your screen has its purpose you know. According to Cambridge Advance Learner's Dictionary, blog is:

"A diary (= regular record of your thoughts, opinions and experiences) that you put on the Internet for other people to read"

By all means I can write whatever I want no matter how gloomy and dejected I might sound. Being me isn’t easy though.. :P whatever. Blame 4 midterms in a row AND the full moon instead. Tapi~~~~ thanks to those who manage to keep up with my downhill-side during this couple of days.. or weeks even.. I know I'm a pain in the a** sometimes. But my life ain’t a fairytale tho. Singing in the forest and getting swept off by a very handsome prince. Hmmphh.. More like working my brain off and getting swept off by low marks when I did try so hard.

Whatever lah. I’m glad the midterms are over. Genetic was hard. Animal was okay kut. Basically everything comes from the lecture slides. It’s just a matter of whether you remember or not. Analytical chemistry might not be that good. Well, it was because during the exam I eat gula2 getah to not make me sleep during the exam *seeing how little sleep I get for the past couple of days*. Bad idea to eat chewing gum when you have an empty stomach. My stomach rumbled quite soundly during the exam. Kalau sekejap2 tu xpelah jugak. There are times when it won’t seem to stop rumbling. So, for the last 3 or 4 questions, I did do the “inny-minny-miny-mo” just to get it over with. Microbiology pulak was less than what I expected. Tapi won’t say anything more sbb grade xkeluar lg. Sekali dapat rendah pulak. Haiyyyaaa.

Well, I think this might just be it. I’m going swimming on Sunday again. Yeay! Something to look forward to despite my heavy workload *again*. This is my new resolution to keep up with the healthy lifestyle *ceyh*. Seeing that I can’t jog and my two most favorite people to play basketball with aren’t here, swimming will do. Rasa best when you only have to focus on your breathing and not on something else.

Jom2! Jadikan pool Carleton tu milik student Malaysia. :P

p/s: nak mencapub jap. shida~ nape xley komen kt blog ko? marah kt kte eyh? heheh.. nak gak komen ckp kte pegang gak ular ngn madagascar cockroach tu~ huhu..

.

Ya Allah..

Once is enough. Don't make me go through that twice.

Nak yg same jugak boleh?

come on study.

blood, chocolate.. and everything in between..

i should probably just give up now.

penat lah. even if i'm using my brain's full capacity pun won't be enough. kut.

................

................

................

no.. no.. no.. u're always a fighter.

don't think of giving up missy! you hear that?! i won't give up. unless it's fated.

ayuh ke library. study utk midterms.

count the stars. that's how much i miss.

WARNING: THIS WILL BE AN EXTREMELY LONG ENTRY WITH ALL THE GORY DETAILS THAT YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T WANT TO READ AND PROBABLY WILL SLOWLY BORE YOU TO DEATH. CLICKING THE 'X' SIGN AT THE TOP RIGHT OF THE SCREEN IS MUCH ADVISED.

This winter break had been fun! Fun! Fun! I manage not to stay in Ottawa for the most part of my winter break. I do feel terrible for those who have to stay in Ottawa (seriously!) but well, Boxing Day sounds great there. So you guys are okay i guess. :)

Well, speaking of my winter break, right after my biochemistry finals (which i did quite well, more than what I expect actually. alhamdulillah) which ended at 10pm on the 17th dec, I went back home and sleep. God~~~ it feels gooood to sleep for a long time after your three back-to-back finals (physical chem., organic chem. and biochemistry three days in a row, mind you) and you do look like a zombie after that. Whatever. That's not important. On the 19th, Tiqah, Shida and I went to Montreal for two days. Part of it was to send Atiqah back to Malaysia since her flight is from Montreal. A part of it was to visit Fa since she keeps on saying the Ottawa people never come to Montreal whereas she already went to Ottawa twice; and a part of it was to visit Montreal of course. The journey there was smooth, alhamdulillah. We miss the 9.30pm bus but luckily there's a bus at 10pm that left a bit late because of a delayed bus from Toronto. There are not many people on the bus and we can each sit alone and lie down to sleep. :) Well, we arrived in Montreal around midnight and everywhere we look, there's French signboard everywhere. Fa's house is incredible! It's small but it is comfy and nice. In Montreal, we went to McGill University and met Shu Ann there, we went to the shopping mall (I bought a purple cardi there) and we just walk around downtown. Montreal is nice. It’s different from Ottawa but pretty similar to Toronto. The next day, we sent Atiqah to the airport. Lots of stuffs happen to Tiqah's flight. She missed the flight due to administration's fault. But then manage to get another flight at 3pm. Click here for the whole story. After sending Tiqah to the airport we went straight to the bus terminal to get back to Ottawa coz we don't want to bother Fa since she has an exam on the next day. Went back to Ottawa on the 21st and then rushed getting ready for the function at the Malaysian embassy that night. :D

One of McGill's building

Montreal City

That's story from Montreal. On 23rd dec, the day we're supposed to go to Toronto, we manage to squeeze in going for sushi. Clearly all of us are going because it's free since it's the end-of-year-dinner organized by Pn. Zalilah. I went to Toronto to attend this Reviving the Islamic Spirit (RIS) convention which start on Christmas day until 27th dec. The talks are mainly about our role in glorifying the name of Islam around the world. How can we change

others perspective on Muslims from someone who's been called terrorists, killer, etc2 into someone who contribute to the better world. Whether it's in science, philosophy, politics, we must at least contribute something. Most of the talks are good (some I didn't manage to listen due to extreme tired-ness, I accidentally fell asleep). But I love talks given by Dr Tariq Ramadan. He is extremely good. Mind you, he's from Switzerland and an Oxford lecturer in Islamic philosophy, etc2. I do have cd on his talk. Nak? :) Then we did went to CN tower, which is ok~ I'm expecting the glass floor to be bigger than my living-room carpet. But hey, whatever~

With Farah during the RIS convention

Nathan Phillip Square

CN tower

The glass floor

Next tick on my checklist is New York City!!! Jealous much? We went there on the 28th. It's a 12-hours ride on a bus and we arrived in New York on the next day. Take a bus to the hotel in New Jersey. We arrived at our hotel feeling cranky, tired and out of breathe coz we have to walk from the bus stop to the hotel for 15 minutes dragging our luggage behind, fighting the cold-winter wind and not having a bath for a day due to long hours in the bus. But the room... the room is amaaaazing. We went to the Liberty Island where the Statue of Liberty is, went to Empire State Building to see New York from top, went to Central Park, take a walk in 5th Avenue and Madison Avenue, went to Time Square and Broadway. We didn't go to many places since we don't have enough time. Yet we did have fun.

A view of New York city from New Jersey

Times Square

Hard Rock Cafe New York

The m&m store! See the m&m's?

Central Park. :)

Madison Avenue. Not a place to shop.

Statue of Liberty, Liberty Island.

View from Empire State Building

Things happen in Montreal, Toronto and New York:

1. I did think Montreal looks like Hogwarts and Toronto blended together. I don't think others agreed with me coz they went "aa? aaaah~~~~~~" when i said this. Haha. Didn't get a McGill University sweater though since we went there on Sunday and the bookstore was closed. Well, I can always go there again. It's just a 2-hour trip by bus. :)
2. All signboards in Montreal is in French with tiny english written below it. Fa said that the English-written signs must be 50% smaller than the French.
3. Atiqah missed her flight. Further story, click on the link above.
4. We went to CN tower the 2nd time we went to Toronto. We're even thinking of not going there but since it's one of Toronto's attractions, we feel the need to go there even though it feels like going to KL tower.
5. Toronto has much preferable stores compared to Ottawa. Especially during the Boxing Day. The sale is just crazy. Unluckily, I didn't buy a thing during Boxing Day except for a chicken pita during the convention. Sad~ they have Forever 21, H&M, Zara, MNG and other wonderful stores that are sadly haven't been up yet in Ottawa. Probably never will kut.
6. People in New York cross the road whenever they want. Without even looking at the traffic light. Especially in Times Square, where lots of people cross during stop sign; even the car has to give ways to them.
7. Canada has much cleaner toilet than US.
8. Went to Sephora looking for makeups and suddenly there's a police announcement over every stores in Times Square. Apparently they're looking for a male suspect and they're closing the street. Lots of police there. Cuak juge. Went out from Sephora, find the nearest subway and went to Central Park and 5th Avenue instead. It turns out that there's a black-tinted van, no plat number left stranded in Times Square for days. Paranoid as they are, it hits every news channel we looked when we get back to the hotel. I'll be quite happy if our faces come out in the news as passers-by getting out of the way. Make an impression sket that "Hey2! We're in New York jugak ok!"
9. Went to Empire State building and Ida saw this guy proposed to this lady on top of the tower. Quite sweet actually. Later, the kissing part... Errr. Not that sweet.
10. Get lost while riding the bus back to the hotel and end up stranded in Washington Avenue. From New York to Washington eyh? :p
11. Love their m&m store. They have m&m in every colour you can think of and we went gaga over it coz every items in the store is cute.

Well, that’s it about my winter break. *Hurmm. I did wonder who manages to read this whole entry without puking or being bored to death*

New term has started and it ain’t fun this semester. I have 3 days of class that starts at 8.30 am and ends at 1pm. It’s either animal, organic chem. and microbiology or a 3-hour lecture on analytical chem. followed by genetics. I have four labs this semester (2 bio labs and 2 chem labs). And oh~~ I have this prof, his name is Jeff Smith. He looks quite young but already a PhD holder and he looks like Brad Pitt and Jesse McCartney combined. :P Whatever~ Even having a hunk as your professor can't help me survive his 3-hour lecture straight. Sorry prof. It’s not your looks. It’s just the subject.

Anyhow, I don’t think the need to torture you guys much further. Going skating with others at 8 even when it’s -18°C.