Of raindrops and golden leaves

Hai assalamualaikum,


It's funny how each season has its own smell. has its own feel to it too. Spring is coming and I love the smell after the rain. The cloudy days, the rain itself. The weather has been pretty mild for the previous couple of days. It's like remembering something you used to love. something that used to make you happy. something familiar that you hardly remembers. That is always the feeling I had at each time the season changes. The smell of winter saying goodbye to give way to blooming flowers.

Spring - April '10, Ottawa

Winter - Feb '11, Ottawa

Hello spring, you've been missed and I miss you dearly. And goodbye winter, hopefully we'll meet again. If not, I'll always remember you. the beauty, and even tarbiyyah that comes from it.

Spring/Summer - May '10, P.E.I

Spring/Summer - May '10, P.E.I

the cold, rainy season that reminds me of London
the hot, dry air that always, always reminds me of my first summer in Ottawa.
the cold, frost-biting winter that reminds me of the 30-mins walk from home to Carleton
and that golden, crisp leaves that remind you of Ottawa as a whole.

Fall - October '10, Ottawa

Will be leaving you soon enough.
Thank you for shaping me up. For showing me all the beauty in life.

bulletproof heart

1. it’s good to be back. i’ve been itching to get my handS on writing here but have another much more important stuff to write about *cough* 4901 essay *cough*. nonetHeless, it’s pretty much done now. submitted it last wednesday. yeayyy!!! so happy right now. finally a chance to laze around before the new semester starts.
2. this year’s ramadhan has been quite erm. modest i should say. nothIng much than the ramadhan i spent two three years back in ottawa. but one thing i notice this month, this year is, you really have To watch what you say. heheh. learnt it from quite a funny experience myself. ada satu hari hujan renyai2 and we’re on our way to kak zidah’s car *tidur rumah dia buat kuih* so i said to ida “hujan renyai2 camni xbes la mandi hujan”. and on our way to buy baklava dekat this one store tak tau kat mana, hujan lebat yg teramat and we don’t have umbrella with us. it’s not a long walk tapi lebat and mmg basah la. ida terus cakap “tula tadi cakap xbes mandi hujan renyai2, skrg kan dah lebat” heee~
3. alhamdulillah rezeki bulan puasa murah sikit this year. teringin makan ayam masak kicap, kak zIdah masak kan. teringin makan baklava, kak zidah bawak pergi beli. teringin pergi bulk barn, the next day, kak zidah nk beli barang2 buat kuih dekat bulk barn *dpt lah beli coklat.. :D * buka dekat ruMah kak rozalah, rumah encik din, dekat embassy. semalam baru je teringin nak pergi kedai dessert tu. and tadi baru balik dari kedai tu dgn niza. alhamdulillah. I must be doing something good to deserve all this. ameeen~ mee kari je tak dapat lagi. kalau rumah abg kamal buat mee kari, it’ll be a bliss. :D
4. nak tambah lagi 1. i have Supercute friends. thank you for sending super cute emails. those emails really made my day. thank you allah for bringing me super awesome friends in my life. it’s not a big bunch of them. but it’s enough. ps: the 1^st one to send it is the first one i constantly have problems with. teehee. Sorry yb.
5. have you ever felt proud of someone? like really2 extremely proud of them? it feels like Your heart going to swell or explode or you can’t even contain it to show how proud you are of them? that’s what i’m feeling now. i am extremely proud of you. to the extent i don’t even know how to describe it.
6. selamat hari raya peOple. may this ramadhan be a stepping stone for a better year afterwards insyaallah. i want to say sorry for all my wrongdoings to any of you. whether it's intentionally or not, i am truly sorry. have fUn celebrating raya people. have fun but do take care and keep each other safe.

in the end, it's not so bulletproof after all.

Love life.

There will be a love-hate relationship between me and the tshirt. But thank you Dila! I'll take a VERY good care of the tshirt. It's the thought that counts. :D

I am not good in saying goodbyes. I hate goodbyes. Macam lagu Gareth Gates "...This is not goodbye~~ This is starting over~~~". So here goes. Thank you for everything. For the fun times. The good memories. The patience. The shoulder to cry on. The times you listen to all my rambling. The times you go along with my quirky actions *note:the butterfly on snow thingy*. And good luck for your future plans. You're a great person no matter how much you try to deny it. Banyak lagi nak cakap. Tapi public sangat. Nanti I'll write you an exclusive love letter. Teehee.

"...perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not." (2:216)

ps: this jetlag is crazy. was going to pray Maghrib at 7-ish AM. how la jadi camni.

pps: and this headache hurts like crazy. *inhale. exhale* sabar.

Past. Present. Future.

Sometimes you think you did everything right. But it is still not enough.

Sometimes you think you change for the better. But people see it otherwise.

Between who I was and who I am now, I can safely say that I am different. Changed. I hope it is for the better. People that come into my life. Places I lived and traveled to. All sums up to shape who I am now. People that break me, makes me stronger. People who love me as someone I can count on. Places I live without my family shows me responsible I have to carry. And it's a lot. People I trust and break it makes me realize there is more to this life than a chapter that I refuse to close.

Anyhow, thank you for everything. For the good memories. for the tears shed. for the hard times. Good times. The laughter. And the presence. Will miss you Dila.

I don't know what the future holds. But surely it wouldn't be as bad. Study hard. Get a degree. Work some more. Further study some more. With someone to lean on along the way. It does sounds promising isn't it? Semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya.

ps: mood emo kene balik ottawa -.-' nak menangis tak dapat2 dari tadi.

pps: Have a safe trip back home Dila! Will surely miss you.

Things change. Either for the better or worse.

Tak semua rezeki datang bergolek.

Tak semua org berjaya sekali try je.

The two things I noticed after surrounded by the relatives and thinking back how life were back then. My mom and dad are not someone that can be considered coming from a successful family. I don't have a super rich uncle or an aunt who works in Petronas or a long haven't met uncle living overseas. No. Some don't even enroll in university and some work in a non-professional field pun. I am not downgrading them. What I want to say is, despite all this, all of them are now successful in whatever field they're in.

They might have a bad start but they're now successful in whatever they're doing. Getting promotions and so on. And the live they led slowly change from what I saw like let's say 10 years ago.

One of them did not enroll in university but now is a head staff.

And a cousin of mine change his university programs three times before finding what suits for him. Siap dapat Dean's list lagi.

And one more thing. Not everybody find true happiness at the early age. Sometimes you have to endure some hardship to get a sweet end. Sometimes when you're in your thirties.

Same goes with my newlywed cousin. Dulu banyak je masalah yg kalau budak2 baik fikir as their worst action, my cousin ni pernah je did actions yg diorg fikir worst sgt tu and etc, but now nampak he's happy with the girl he just married and nasib baik nampak lebih responsible dari dulu. Hehh.

What I want to say is. Tak semua usaha nampak results die directly. Certain result tak nampak pun tapi it's there. Apa yg penting? Kerjasama. Eh. no. Usaha. (Kerjasama pn penting gk)

So instead of thinking "ku sangka panas sampai ke petang rupanya hujan di tengahari" why don't think it as "after the rain, there always be the sun" kalau nak lame lagi, "after a long dark winter will always come the spring" :D

p/s: rezeki & ajal. 2 benda yg dah ditetapkan tapi ni jugak la 2 benda yg manusia paling risau - bro Amir

pp/s: Take not the one you care for granted - feh

Bila down tengok new moon.

semalam tido dalam keadaan down. after dah dapat carry marks for the two finals i will be sitting for on monday. both are not as what i expected. so rasa down.

a friend advised "take study as a responsibility and study dgn ikhlas" tapi feeling better sikit je.

bangun pagi, dgr video nouman ali khan, randomly terpilih video ni.

huu. kene dgn advise yg kwn bagi tu. thank you Allah.

I don't know if you read this, but this is for you Siti Hajar Nasaruddin

Hai assalamualaikum,

This blog has been collecting dust since what. february? School has been harsh for the past 2 weeks.. back-to-back exams. back-to-back essays.. and soon to be back-to-back finals on the 18th. but this is not what i had in mind when typing this. not to complaint or anything. okay. here goes.

Happy Birthday Hajar!! You deactivate your fb and you're not even on skype. I have no idea how to contact you, so here goes.

I've known you for a looooongggg time. Back when we're not as close or even speak as much. Merely someone that's in the same class as I do. How we started to be close friends amazed me. Awak ade suara sedaaaap. Selalu jadi ketua nasyid. It was like everytime there's a competition, we don't have to vote pun nk pilih siapa. :P

She's smart as well. One of the brightest. Then we got into the same secondary school. *at that time it was hard for us seeing that we were from private school and they don't usually treat us nicely when we're applying for government school. And they tend to not give the school we applied for.* So, getting into the same school was amazing. Seeing how hard it is for me to make new friends, having an old friend in a new school was a relief. Selaluuuu sgt dapat no 1 kt kelas. And I either come second or third. (Solha selalu dapat 2nd. ishh) But after pmr, she went to a boarding school. Masuk sbp.

And now she's in Egypt studying medicine. And Alhamdulillah she's safe after what happened there. So, I just want to wish you happy 22nd birthday. May Allah bless you with the best things in life. Semoga jumpa jodoh yg sampai ke syurga. Sebab awak sangat baikkkkk.

Coz I can't think of any other way to contact you. And it was like 8-days late from your birthday. Sorry, I was busy. Heheh. Awak balik Malaysia jom la keluarrr. This time awak drive pulak.. :P

And one more person whose birthday falls on April fool's day. It was hard lah celebrating you birthday without terkene tempias2 april fool tu.. :P Happy birthday kakngah. Dah besar. Dah gemok. Tapi masih tinggi. So, ok lah tu. Semoga lepas IB dengan suksess nye.. Balik belanja akak makan. Okay. :P tak tau nak cakap ape lagi sebab dah call haritu.