Smile, it looks good on you

Magic Kingdom Disneyworld, FL. new year's eve 2012. pic cred: Amin

My 2012 was marked by fireworks lighting up the sky with the 'enchanted' Cinderella castle at the back. Without knowing it, I blurted out my 2012's resolution to Ida. I'm glad I blurted it out so as to have someone to witness what I've decided to act on and hopefully succeed, inshaAllah. Pray for me :) as years past, my resolution starts to become more complicated and even harder to achieve.

That's me. I dream big. At times, I succeeded but not as much as I had failed. Scratch that. Not fail. But did not exceed expectations. Those dreams are what drives me further forward to become a better individual. Life has a funny way to teach you lessons and gives advises. Failures and downfalls are sometimes the better remembered lesson in life than all the good ones. And so does people. They are there for you to learn something. There are things that take a lifetime to learn. But there are also lesson that is learnt just by a simple hello with a stranger. I may not see those things I should be taken note of. But it slowly dawned on me on those life lessons learnt, those bruises healed, and those things lost (read: bracelet from dad)

From professor that pushed you to do things you think you're incapable of to partners that requires patience and late night stay ups to friends whom you might have ups and downs with at some point.

With this, arigatou.

When you're 9000 miles from home on your birthday

"Sometime you only realize what you have when it's gone"

A phrase that's always been repeated countless times. This word, true enough, but yet, it's only a small chunk of other things that you'd come to realize.

It's true that,

I learn how to cope with a regurgitated valve. Regular visits to IJN. Well~ it's not something that I lost. Something that I never have in the first place.

I learn what a good friend you are until I lost you big time.

I learn how selfish, snobbish and self-centered I am when most of them have started to drift further away from me.

And so other things that people experiences and feel the moment they think they lost something.

Hence, all situation is an exaggeration.

But today, I stumble across something I would consider precious. No, it’s not a significant other kind of thing. But I would consider you guys as my significant others. Someone that is significant to me. I might try and write this metaphorically as part of it will always be a secret and I don’t think it’ll come out correctly if I do write about it. Saye xdelah terer English pn. Tulis pun berterabur. Cakap apetah lg.. :P

You think you lost a boulder that keeps you from falling down, but you forget about all the pebbles that keep on supporting you even though the boulder has already crashed into a thousand million pieces. I say pebbles with an s. Not a pebble. Lots and lots of them. An exaggeration. But still, multiple of them. Not one, not even a couple. It’s time for me to start paying more attention to all the pebbles rather than trying to build the boulders back from those thousand million pieces.

Hear me. I won’t be the same again. I had enough. I am not going to give in. Never will. I always have been a fighter. And yes. I’ll continue to fight. I fight for life here on Earth. I fight since I was small. Or else I’m already here *pointing down*. Six feet under. Once again, hear me. I don’t give up easily.

Goodbye you. I’ve learn what’s important and what’s not. What is it that is worth fighting for and what is not. Stop underestimating me. Stop shattering my self-confidence. Not that I have loads from the beginning.

This is all. This is “the end” of the chapter. I’ll be writing a new one soon. Without you in it. Goodbye the old Sarah. Hopefully you’re a little wiser now.Tied it up with a ribbon. Release it in the open air.

This ends here. No outside-blog talking and asking. I won’t elaborate and I won’t answer. This stays here. Don’t judge and don’t criticize. You don’t even know a quarter of it. Let alone half of it. Hopefully it’ll turns out well. InsyaAllah. I don’t want to read this post a couple of years later and still stuck with the same old problems. The same old Sarah. What a shame.

“I’ll never be the same~

If we ever meet again”

On a happier note, I thank all of you for the wishes. I’ll try not to make such a big fuss about it. But you guys really made my day lah. Thank you to those that I can really call friends. For the necklaces. For the mug. For the edited picture. For the song sang. For the videos uploaded. And for the cheesecakes. And others too. *xtulis semua kt sini pn, kte still terharu ngn korg* I don’t ask for expensive gifts. Gifts pn xmintak gak. What I ask is an honest friendship where I can really call you a friend of mine. Without a doubt. :)

p/s: a fever during your birthday keeps everything in perspective i would say.

jars of nematods.

i don't think i'll be able to eat a lot tonight.

Jars and jars of big fat leeches.

A bottle full of earthworms. Pjg giler plak tuh.

Flatworms. Tapeworms. And any other worms you can think of.

Dead frogs. Snake in a jar. Jellyfish. Spiders. Scorpions. Barnacle.

And you have to scrutinize every specimens left there.

But the lab is interesting though. The lab coordinator is bringing live snake to lab next time. :D

But then, when you look at the diversity of animals there, you'll tend to realize how powerful Allah is. There's sponges (phylum: porifera) which doesn't have a true cell.

Segmented worms (phylum: Annelida) who has a round cross-section compared to flatworms (phylum: Platyhelminthes) that looks utterly different than the mammals.

Jellyfish (phylum: Cnidaria) which is different than the Arthropods.

of TAs and bad grades.

I have TAs for my course subject.
I love them. They're super cool.

Neil from Biochem
My tallest TA ever. He's more than 7 feet and doing PhD now and he's not even 30!
Imagine me, the smallest students in the lab talking with him, the tallest person ever. A weird combination, i know.
And he's my TA.
"You just broke the pH meter". One of his way to crack a joke in the middle of doing labs.
He really makes everybody feel at ease when in lab. *even if the lab do take the whole 4-hours*

Karl from organic chem
He's Polish. He's in his 4th year but already married with 2 children. Well, before you say how young he is, bla bla bla.. He's like one of the people that stop study and go working and later come back to school.
Yeah. That's him. He did work in Europe before going back to school. He's like one of the hardest TA ever.
It's usually easy to get full marks in the pre-lab section. As long as you write long enough, they usually assume you did it and give you big fat 10 out of 10.
But Karl....
He read every single line and even check the MSDS (It's a list of hazard precautions for chemical solvents and you have to copy it all down in your lab book)
He deducts marks. Yes he did. For not writing it in paragraph. For not having enough MSDS lists. For not giving examples *Examples kene cari kt textbook bukan kat lab manual. Susah lah*

Tp, i didn't manage to get full marks for the pre-labs except for the last lab. Sheeeeeshh.. At least there's one.

Yup. Speaking of him. I do know that not many students like him for his strict marking scheme *it's just a pre-lab for God's sake* but i think i totally get his perspective. I UNDERSTAND. Doesn't mean i'm happy about it.

This is what i got from one lab session while chatting with him.
He's not from a rich family. He did work in Europe, Ecuador. Places where you have to work hard to earn enough. He struggled to bring his wife back to Canada. He's working full-time. He's studying *4th-year students*. He's in Carleton's varsity team. He's a TA. And a husband and a father on top of that.

Imagine how hard his life can be. Maybe that's why he's strict while marking the labs. He's used to doing it hard *kut*. We did whine just because we got low marks for pre-lab while he didn't say anything about how hard his life is. It makes me realize something a lil bit. And maybe i didn't deserve that marks coz i know i didn't put any effort in the pre-lab *tp still nk markah tinggi. hah. dgn TA laen boleh la buat cmtu. kan dah kene* with Karl. Your effort counts. *dgn nak tambah. dia ni comel lah*

Basically, Neil and Karl shows me what's important: effort and determination. Neil walks out from Carleton's basketball team to continue in PhD. and Karl works, study, and a TA. See Neil's determination to continue study. Karl's effort to support his life. Jom2. Jadi cam Neil and Karl. :P

Random #3

Okayyyyy. I have this infatuation on Yasin. Yasin as in the member of a nasyeed group, Brothers if you remember. The one who appears in Syukur 21. The one who sang "Alhamdulillah" with too phat. haihhh~~ Unfortunately he's married and has 2 kids. *thanks farah for telling me this* but still. He has this sweet good-looking features that makes you go ahhh~~~~ :P

well, it starts from me, watching Syukur 21 on the day i need to submit my lab report. which is NOT FINISHED YET!! Yasin in Syukur 21 looks sooo...... Hurmm. Can't find the right word. I guess maybe it's because muka die nampak bersih. So, people like, love looking at him.

Ok. Tu je nak bagitau. Oh yeah. this is for u guys. While googling Yasin *unsuccessfully found anything about him* i stumbled across some old nasyeed songs. From Brothers of course *i went to youtube plak to find brother's music video* LOL

ok. ok. This is for you guys.

To you who is still struggling in exams
To you who's in the making to be biotechnologists, engineers, doctors, pharmacists, economists, architect *telupe letak lah* etc2
To you who's been finding your purpose in life
To you who did fall and thinks everything has fallen apart
To you guys who thinks you're at your worst point in life
To all in general who's struggling in life.

Never look back.. Never regret what happened..
Move forward..
Never stop fighting! :)

sometimes i whine.. no. not sometimes. most of the time......

school is getting better now.. as it nearly ends.. :D only a midterm left and a couple of lab exams which i hooopee to score.. *at least naek lah sket kn markah* haha

okaaay..

what's with the title? yes.. i do whine.. i don't get enough rest.. i'm so tired.. i have lots to do.. lots on my mind.. i'm stressed.. well~ speaking of stress, i went to see a doctor because i got a small patch of rash at my right hand:

doctor: did you touch any plants like poison ivy or something?

me: no~~ *do we even have poison ivy at this time of the season?*

doctor: did you ever get cold rash? caught a fever or flu?

me: no... *or else I'd come to you last winter laaa*

doctor: have you been under stress lately?

me: err.. yes~

hah! i just know stress can cause a rash.. thankfully, it doesn't attack your whole body.. but yes. nothing exciting about it.. opss.. off track now..

haa! whining.. i always whine. why do i have to study.. i have lots of works and i'm tired.. i don't like this.. i don't like that.. bla bla bla.. the list goes on and on *tak kan habis kut*

tapi~~~~

we're just human.. no superhuman strength.. no control over the emotions.. the stress.. that's why we whine.. can we whine? i guess so.. farah did tell me, correct me if i'm wrong. "even Rasulullah s.a.w pn ade mengeluh jugak.."

tp bezanye is someone whines a lot *me! me!* some just endures it silently cutting down the whine-it-out-loud act thingy *sgt la respek mereka2 ni*..

heheh.. conclusion from this post: i do whine a lot.. as in now pun.. just because i whine a lot doesn't mean i didn't do any of the work.. it doesn't even mean i blame Allah for giving me all those things that i whine about..

i just want to blurt it all out.. that's just it.. :P